Friday, June 15, 2012

life, faithfulness, gratitude

Rheumatoid Arthritis was not really a phrase I was thinking would become a part of my life. But, those words and that diagnosis have turned my world upside down. Mostly because I am in pain and not able to function the way I want my body to, but also because I am afraid. Afraid that this pain will become my life. That it will limit me. That it will define my life and what I can do.  That it will change the plans we have for life. That I will not be able to continue to do all the things I love.

Rheumatoid Arthritis is an auto-immune disease. It is NOT osteoarthritis. My body is attacking the fluid in my joints. There is no cure. There is no stopping it. Medications can slow things down, but the damage is inevitable. My hands right now are the worst, so you can imagine how difficult life has become. I cannot even squeeze a tube of toothpaste.

But, with a heart of thankfulness, I will be glad that I am dealing with this now in life, not when I had a tiny baby at home. Now, when we are settled and not moving. Now, when we are in a home that is not in need of remodeling . Now, because of the advances in modern medicine. Now, because it is God’s plan for my life. Not really sure what that plan looks like, but He is there. He is faithful. As I have watched happen in my life so many times before, I will be able to look back one day and go, ah-ha! So that’s why! God you are good. So good!

And here is to maybe being a bit more guilt-free. Let’s face it, I never again have to think, oh man, I should really get out and go for a run. I can, without hesitation, remove running a marathon from my bucket list. ‘Cause let’s face it, I was never going to run one anyway! :)

Maybe this reminds me to not hold onto this life so dearly. To look forward to the day when my body will be restored and I will be walking, pain free, on the streets of heaven.

I do not know what the future holds. Even more so at this moment. I will take each good day to heart. I will enjoy it more. Cherish it. Live in the moment of ability.

~kimberly

P.S. I wrote this the day I found out that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. Yesterday I began to take medication (well, three) to fight/slow the progression of the disease. They could take one to two months to begin to work. The medications are designed to suppress my immune system, which adds another layer of concern. But, to live with less pain and more function, we can deal with it. We are pushing on one day at a time. And while I am down for a little while, I am not going to let it stop me. I will dress myself again. I will start creating and making videos again. I will get back on the golf course. And I guess, because I am the mommy, I will clean the house all by myself. Maybe that one could wait a bit… :)

Thank you again for your encouraging emails. Its so uplifting to have wonderful blog readers who care, who are willing to share their stories, and to pray. Thank you.

33 comments:

Avocado Arts said...

Kimberly, thinking about you and praying for you every single day. Love you :)

~Michelle

Ryann Salamon said...

I can only imagine what you are going through and wish you all the strength in the world, both physical and mental, as you continue through this new path that has been set for you. Big hugs to you my friend!!!

Ashley Nguyen Newell said...

Praying for you, sweet friend! If there's anything I can do, just let me know!

Kalyn said...

Kimberly, I am so sorry that you're going through something like this. I can't imagine the challenges you're facing. But I know that you'll get through them and you have lots of friends and fans who are cheering you on! Much love.

Niki Estes said...

Kimberly, I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you find some relief soon. Hugs!

Angela Fehr said...

Oh, Kimberly, I have been thinking and praying for you since I first heard the words of your diagnosis. I can imagine the fear and I am so glad you can trust the Lord in this - He is always good!

Corinna McGregor Barth said...

Oh Kimberly, I have thought of you often since your announcement. It is wonderful that you are maintaining a sense of humor, self and God. You are an amazing woman and we'll all be praying for you to get back to all of the things you love soon!

Laura Davis said...

I am so thankful I have you in my life! Thank you for your beautifully, well written words. Your courage and strength out weighs this awful disease. I have no doubt that you will fight and win this battle. Thanks again!
Love ya
Laura

Regina said...

Kimberly keep your spirits up. You are in my prayers

Christine said...

I truly feel for you Kimberly, you have such a beautiful and positive attitude I'm sure you will work through this :)

Rox-Ann said...

{{{Gentle Hugs}}}Kim and know we are here for you every step of the way love you!

Kazan Clark said...

You are incredibly brave and your words so poignant. Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. I know so many that have RA and my wish for all, including my Mom, is for moments of relief and comfort.
Hugs always to you and your family
Kazan

Broni said...

I've been thinking about you a lot and will continue to keep you in my prayers. Love and hugs!

Andrea R said...

So sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. I will keep you in my prayers -- better days are ahead of you!

Andrea R said...

So sorry to hear about your health issues. I will keep you in my prayers. Better days are ahead..

Angela said...

HUGS Kimberly...I admire you for speaking about this...I hope the medication provides relief and improved function....big HUGS!

judy said...

Kimberly, I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with chronic pain. Your positive attitude, faith and inner strength shine through and will help you has you cope. I hope you find relief from the pain and a
new "normal" to your life.

Savannah O'Gwynn said...

I'm so sorry you've been dealing with so much pain! Praying for you and sending you TONS of hugs:) <3

Wida said...

You have grace in your words, may God give you strength to endure the hardships of life...and make them better for you. that is my prayer.

Geny said...

Lots of love and hugs to you!!!

Carol (HB) said...

Kimberly, I read your words with a sad heart, but ended with a peaceful one knowing that you have such strong faith and that the Lord will carry you through. I truly believe He will not give us more than we can handle.
I hope the medication eases the pain and controls the effects and allows you to live the beautiful life you have. Sending lots of hugs and keeping you in my prayers!

lisa808 said...

I am so sorry to hear of your RA diagnosis. I hope the medication returns you to your usual, wonderful self soon.

Lisa Carroll said...

What a beautiful post, Kimberly. You're an amazing inspiration to be able to take such a difficult diagnosis and turn it into a gracious lesson in thankfulness and faith. It's truly humbling. You will have my prayers, support, and encouragement throughout this journey. :) xo

Michelle*GB said...

A lurker here wishing you success with your medications and peace and comfort. Sending prayers and positive thoughts...

Sherry Cheever said...

Kimberly I was stunned to read this. Just want you to know that I will be thinking of you and hope that the meds give you some relief! Hugs!!!!!

Jennifer K said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry to read this. I'll be thinking of and praying for you. There is a lady in my neighborhood that is about our age that is also fighting RA. She has two kids about 10 and 14. If you ever want to chat with her about it I'm sure she'd be willing. Just let me know and I can hook you two up. Take care!

julie e said...

Your attitude is inspiring - and cleaning the house can certainly wait for the important stuff!

Jessica said...

Kimberly, thanks for letting us know so we can pray along with you. Love your testimony of faith through this post - I pray that the medicine will work quickly and that you will be feeling some relief soon!

Georgee said...

Praying for you. I have SLE, Sjogren's, and gout so I understand the everydat struggle. My thoughts are with you.

Brooke said...

This is a beautiful post, Kimberly-inspiring words of faith. Continuing to keep you in my prayers.

Denise Marzec said...

Hi Kimberly. Boy, I'm sorry to hear this. :( You're in my thoughts and prayers. {{hugs}}

Karen said...

I have endured an autoimmune disease for the last 10 years. I have Sjogren's Syndrome, however instead of it's trademark symptoms it mimics RA. They routinely check to see if it really is RA with quarterly blood work because the symptoms are so close. Don't be afraid of the drugs that impair your immune system... I find I have gotten sick WAY less since being on them... like it allows my immune system to work naturally instead of fighting against me. I take Lyrica, Plaquenil and an anti-inflammatory. It gets pricey, but I can't get by without them. Anyway, I wanted you to know that it is possible to live with auto-immune diseases without major lifestyle changes, so try not to be discouraged for now. Wait and see how you feel after the meds kick in! You may be surprised :)

Elizabeth Allan said...

Kimberly - RA will not change the person I see in you... a bright, beautiful and creative person. Your heart is so full of love and compassion. I hope the medication will provide relief... Sending prayers and hugs!